I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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