I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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