Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
