Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
