don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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