Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
