is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
