my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
