I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
