Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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