Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
