mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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