$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
