Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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