well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
