I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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