Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?

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  (206): Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug? http://tfl.nu/56z8
  Replies (45) Good night (5853) Bad night (966)
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  (845): View more from New York

  maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut

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  (845): maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut http://tfl.nu/29rz
  Replies (14) Good night (3714) Bad night (775)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

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  (512): why does the wii remote smell like your vag? http://tfl.nu/z7m2
  Replies (55) Good night (2168) Bad night (9223)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2726) Bad night (4974)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

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  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (5350) Bad night (961)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.

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  (952): i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware. http://tfl.nu/z086
  Replies (4) Good night (2782) Bad night (1814)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys

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  (318): You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys http://tfl.nu/kc5i
  Replies (7) Good night (2508) Bad night (1038)
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  (718): View more from New York

  According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.

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  (718): According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago. http://tfl.nu/y0dx
  Replies (5) Good night (2606) Bad night (815)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"

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  (407): I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry" http://tfl.nu/fy98
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (1233)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival

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  (303): im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival http://tfl.nu/aw8e
  Replies (2) Good night (1078) Bad night (519)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?

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  (224): We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today? http://tfl.nu/c57g
  Replies (16) Good night (1710) Bad night (588)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.

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  (403): My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices. http://tfl.nu/r9jz
  Replies (4) Good night (1366) Bad night (496)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.

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  (678): Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques. http://tfl.nu/wk2i
  Replies (8) Good night (1389) Bad night (780)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.

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  (309): They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault. http://tfl.nu/0avq
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (451)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.

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  (402): I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it. http://tfl.nu/oran
  Replies (6) Good night (899) Bad night (589)

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