Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
