if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life