I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
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it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.