Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth

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  (860): He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth http://tfl.nu/3n80
  Replies (54) Good night (720) Bad night (10415)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

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  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
  Replies (41) Good night (21349) Bad night (1205)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

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  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (5007) Bad night (777)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes

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  (314): i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes http://tfl.nu/8fav
  Replies (17) Good night (1017) Bad night (5385)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it

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  (423): gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it http://tfl.nu/v9kx
  Replies (9) Good night (4175) Bad night (1073)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

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  (702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2
  Replies (16) Good night (4960) Bad night (1504)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

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  (803): I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship http://tfl.nu/p7or
  Replies (15) Good night (3818) Bad night (1811)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.

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  (859): You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point. http://tfl.nu/cgpy
  Replies (11) Good night (1409) Bad night (621)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
  Replies (18) Good night (791) Bad night (3043)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.

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  (503): Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur. http://tfl.nu/hsyp
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (1650)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.

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  (281): If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/0of8
  Replies (14) Good night (3176) Bad night (560)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.

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  (203): You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you. http://tfl.nu/720l
  Replies (9) Good night (1456) Bad night (929)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see

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  (503): i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours (1-503): I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see http://tfl.nu/4plr
  Replies (5) Good night (470) Bad night (265)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.

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  (765): I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying. http://tfl.nu/f7nf
  Replies (3) Good night (720) Bad night (367)
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  (818): View more from California

  Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time

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  (818): Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time http://tfl.nu/345f
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (281)

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