you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
