Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74

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(248): View more from Michigan

I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.

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(248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out. http://tfl.nu/085c

Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (2296)
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(334): View more from Alabama

The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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(334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/m75t

Replies (13) Good night (1257) Bad night (3241)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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(517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice" http://tfl.nu/f86r

Replies (39) Good night (948) Bad night (6212)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

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(828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy

Replies (27) Good night (5936) Bad night (756)
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(770): View more from Georgia

At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

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(770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t

Replies (63) Good night (1146) Bad night (7489)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

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(404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp

Replies (12) Good night (4625) Bad night (1396)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.

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(412): It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult. http://tfl.nu/japr

Replies (9) Good night (2019) Bad night (884)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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(708): I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon http://tfl.nu/l3g6

Replies (2) Good night (1131) Bad night (557)
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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k

Replies (5) Good night (2541) Bad night (676)
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(360): View more from Washington

I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.

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(360): I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid. http://tfl.nu/iiw2

Replies (5) Good night (1626) Bad night (506)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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(970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt

Replies (13) Good night (3650) Bad night (603)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.

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(860): I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time. http://tfl.nu/nvbm

Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (413)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?

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(270): Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with? http://tfl.nu/81ec

Replies (5) Good night (536) Bad night (330)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.

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(913): Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway. http://tfl.nu/1wlj

Replies (0) Good night (267) Bad night (583)

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