Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...