Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.

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  (717): he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three. http://tfl.nu/q18f
  Replies (36) Good night (6532) Bad night (1274)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (38) Good night (6224) Bad night (1168)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore

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  (609): just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore http://tfl.nu/abxm
  Replies (8) Good night (1068) Bad night (3421)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.

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  (815): i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing. http://tfl.nu/zu31
  Replies (5) Good night (3916) Bad night (731)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going

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  (519): I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going http://tfl.nu/hix8
  Replies (4) Good night (2804) Bad night (1106)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

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  (248): guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop? http://tfl.nu/8g34
  Replies (22) Good night (6182) Bad night (985)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

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  (570): no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from. http://tfl.nu/zs5p
  Replies (8) Good night (699) Bad night (2170)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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  (318): I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye http://tfl.nu/xi6q
  Replies (6) Good night (2480) Bad night (656)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!

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  (803): There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED! http://tfl.nu/9ss0
  Replies (5) Good night (1596) Bad night (1055)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.

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  (781): I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/k1ge
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (1299)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time

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  (843): you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time http://tfl.nu/xd6c
  Replies (7) Good night (1950) Bad night (557)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!

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  (847): Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild. (1-847): I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free! http://tfl.nu/lmxn
  Replies (3) Good night (1126) Bad night (412)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.

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  (720): I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave. http://tfl.nu/epbn
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (232)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.

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  (408): I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/v3fg
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (322)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings

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  (306): Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings http://tfl.nu/zw2p
  Replies (2) Good night (345) Bad night (171)

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