He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.