what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
