Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
