party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.