If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week