I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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