I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
