I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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