It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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