I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
