He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.