If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go