You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0