You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
