I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"