i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
