He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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