just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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