we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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