i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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