weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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