So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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