i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
