i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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