Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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