May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
