wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
