'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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