I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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