Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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