If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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