the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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