I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
