i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
