do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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