Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
