covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
