Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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