anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
