this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
