my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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