Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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