I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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