my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
