What tipped you off? The sombrero?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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