I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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