sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
