Can i not drive my cunt home
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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