Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
PANTIES FOUND
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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