I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
