oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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