yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
