I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
