At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
