i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
