i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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