cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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