The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
