i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
