I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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