put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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