I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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