it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
