After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
