thus making me awesome and them whores
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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