Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
