Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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