I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
