What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
