At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
