I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa