I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
