She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell