I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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