Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
