He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.