I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't turn off my feet"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type