i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize